Things I Wish I Could Say to My Teenage Self

Sometimes, inspiration comes in funny ways. This afternoon, I got hit with some after listening to an old New Found Glory cd. Perhaps appropriate as a Throw Back Thursday notion. I started thinking of my high school years, inevitably, as these years were the height of my angsty, pop-punk years. And after having a pretty severe case of writer's block mixed with job searching that has taken over my soul and life, the ideas started pouring out of my head. The downfall to always getting the best ideas during my drive home is that by design of being in a moving vehicle, I do not have a place to get these ideas out. So the replaying over and over again ensues. Which eventually turns into talking to myself to ensure that I don't forget what I need to jot down. If the sound of hearing my own voice didn't creep me out so much I'd record myself.

Without further ado, Things I wish I could say to my teen-aged self:

• Spend less time not giving a shit and more time getting your homework done. On time. 

• APPLY YOURSELF! You are very smart, but half-assing the work is not the same as doing your best.

• Stick with writing for the school newspaper for more than one article.

• Life after graduation is no where near what you expect it to be. Life after college and a degree is not even close to what you think it is.

• Resumes and cover letters will turn out to be the bane of your existence.

• You are not really as much of a badass as you think you are. But keep the attitude and mindset that you are.

• It will take you a long time to figure out how to have a verbal filter. Try harder now and it will be easier down the road.

• Most of the people you hated in high school still suck. The people who picked on you are losers going nowhere with their lives.

• You will fall in love more than once. You won't end up with any of these boys, but each one of them will always carry a special place in your heart.

• Do not allow yourself to change for a relationship and do not lose sight of who you really are.

• Trust me, you are NOT fat. Someday, you will look back and wish that you were the size you are now.

• Invest in some body tape. Right in front of your friend's boyfriend, your boob will pop out entirely in this dress:

• Stop picking at your acne and blemishes. Stop touching them. Just stop touching your face. You will be left with scars and regret.

• Do NOT give up playing guitar. 

  

  See how much you love it?

• Despite all of the angsty poetry you write now, you will grow to hate poetry in college. In fact, after finishing school, you will not write a poem again.

• As soon as you stop knowing everything, your parents will stop being the world's biggest idiots. Have patience with your dad because your relationship will strengthen exponentially when you turn 21 and he sees you as an adult.

• Sex gets a LOT better with practice.

Why I Would Suck at The Bachelor

Guys, I have been sucked in to The Bachelor cult. I don't know why. I'm not a reality TV junkie by any means and I particularly do not enjoy "trying to find love" reality shows. It's not even good programming. I will even go so far as to say it's really stupid. But, props to the network/producers/directors, because they got a non-believer hooked.

During last week's episode, I jokingly told Man Friend that if I was ever single, I would go on the show just to get a free ride to beautiful locations around the world. Which was immediately followed by how much of a bad decision it would be to put me on this kind of show. For reasons unknown to me, the idea of this is apparently very intriguing to me. I have spent am embarrassing amount of time in the last week thinking of what a fail it would be for me to be a contestant. So I might as well share with you.

Why I would suck at The Bachelor:

• This might come as a shock, but I kind of have an attitude problem. I'm fairly certain that all of my confessional time would consist of me rolling my eyes and saying things like "Is this real life?," "Did that just fucking happen?" and "I'm missing Rock Fest for this and didn't even get a rose? Un. Real."

• I have zero facial feature filter. While I can control my word vomit, at the very least until the person in question is out of ear shot, my face has not quite caught up. It's kind of a problem. 

• I have ZERO tolerance for stupid people. If you are dumber than a box of hair, I am GOING to judge you for it. And I'm going to make fun of you. Not even sorry.

• I am kind of weird. I really don't mind being alone, I listen to music that is considered rare for girls to listen to in some circles, and I have kind of an odd/dry/sarcastic sense of humor. People sometimes don't get me and I foresee that being the case when shoved in a house with a bunch of strange, I mean new, women.

• I am a Grammar Nazi like nobody's business. I absolutely will correct your speech. I can (sometimes) get away with it with the people who know me. Mostly because I figure they have just accepted it's who I am and to just take it. However, I don't think it it would go over so well when trying to compete  with 15 other women for the affection and recognition of one single man. Not to mention, that is exactly what would get aired of me over and over. I would really look like a bitch.

• I am the messiest eater known to mankind. Trying to charm a man and show him how awesome I am over dinner would really translate into losing my meal all over my outfit, table, chair and the floor. In my 25 years of life, I have not yet conquered the feat of proper food intake. And I would embarrass the shit out of myself on national television.

• I would never have the patience to always be camera ready. I'm sure I would take the time and make the effort to look nice when going on a one-on-one date, much like I do in real life before going on a date. But I could never be always ready for a camera to catch me. I don't even blow dry my hair for work. No way I could always have my hair/makeup/outfit ready at all times. Then I would see myself after the show aired and be embarrassed that I look like such a slob.

• I do not have the body. I especially do not have the pool/beach body that all the women do (at least the women since I've started watching). The women I see all have wonderfully flat stomachs and seemingly no problems being in a bikini. This is not meant to be a bash on myself, nor am I looking for anyone to correct me. While I know that I am not obese, I am also fully aware that I do not have the kind of body that should be on national television in a two piece bathing suit. Even if I did have said body type, I would be so nervous and self conscious that I would probably be in the corner hiding out and drinking a bottle of wine.

Does anyone else have anything that they just know would be an awful idea for them to do? Share away!

Sucky and Super 2013: A Recap

Hello Dear Readers. I know, I know. It's been a while since you've heard from me last. I've been busy with holiday craziness, but mostly have been going through some really rough stuff. I've been struggling with how to deal and if or how I want to talk about it. But I'm in the acceptance stage so after a lot of turmoil I hope to be back on track doing important things other than sulking and having panic attacks. I'll explain later.

I started New Years of 2012 and 2013 both by thinking this year has GOT to be better than last. And neither one really was. In fact, 2013 was pretty miserable. Now that's not to say that there weren't moments that I enjoyed last year. I had some pretty great times, but unfortunately, there were a lot more things that sucked. But life is always a fighting battle. Without tough times, you never really appreciate the good. I know that's really easy to say, but I'm working on believing my own words. Maybe this will be the year I start practicing what I preach. Maybe.

Anyway, a recap of 2013:

Sucky:

• January. 
• Yup, all of it. After overcoming the worst flu/sickness I've had since having mono my freshman year of college, Roomie accepted a job offer in Boston. Which meant moving. Do you remember how much I hate moving? I'll give you a hint: it's a lot. Regardless, moving brought out a lot more struggles than I had ever anticipated. We had about a week and a half to get everything packed and get out of the house. It was pretty short notice for both of us but it also meant I had to find a place to live and very quickly. You never realize how much work packing a house is until you have a very small deadline to do so. Then my grandma's man friend passed away. He had been very ill and as hard as it is to say so, it started becoming expected. But that did not change the gravity of the situation. Grandma's man friend, or her Special Friend, as she called him, had been a part of our family since I was in 8th grade-ish. It was a real struggle watching him suffer for so long and really hard losing him. It was even harder knowing my grandma had lost him. She lost my grandpa to cancer at a young age and here she had to say goodbye to another partner all over again. 

• An old friend's passing
• The friend and I had lost touch in recent years, but his death strongly affected me. We grew apart mostly after my ex and I broke up. Without the ex in the picture, we didn't really hang out much. We would chat sometimes when we ran into each other at parties or bars, but the friendship just wasn't the same because we only knew each other because of the ex. However, when I was with my ex, we spent a lot of time together. We hung out often when I was home from college at house parties or going for motorcycle rides. The friend passed away in such a heartbreaking and honorable way that I still have a hard time accepting it. He had completed at least two (maybe three?) tours overseas and was finally home, or at least for the time. He and  a friend were driving and stopped to help a vehicle on the side of the highway. While helping the strangers, he got hit by another vehicle. After fighting in ICU, he passed about a week later. His death was so sad; his family and friends devastated by the loss of someone they loved. He was so young and always so full of fun and laughter. Losing someone at any age is always hard, but when someone in their 20s with so much life ahead of them passes it's heartbreaking.

(Ok, the worst of the worst of the year is done. Everything else seems petty in comparison to two deaths, but I can't discount the rest)

• My closest friends moving away. 
• From February to May, my closest friends scattered across the country. Roomie to Boston, The Walking Dead couple Dallas and Florence, SC and another to Madison, WI. I grew up with two of them and the other two joined in college and high school, respectively. I've been friends with them the majority of our lives and aside from going off to college, we've been inseparable. Even when we were scattered across Wisconsin for school, we never lost touch and got together as often as we could. I am certain that is why we are even closer now than we ever were as kids or teens. Saying goodbye to them all was a huge struggle for me. I felt so lonely without them. I cried. A lot. Then I cried because I missed the nuggets, which I never ever in my life expected. When I finally thought I could handle it, something little would trigger emotions all over again and without warning, I was Niagra Falls. Take for instance, passing The Walking Dead Couple's apartment one night. I wasn't even thinking about missing them, but without skipping a beat, in the middle of my sentence, I started bawling for at least 15 minutes. When the friends were all home in October and had to leave all at once instead of spread apart, it was unexpectedly a lot worse. 

Our last night together before the moves started

Reunited...and it feels so good!

• Ending a friendship
• One of Man Friend's close friends turned into a completely different person after breaking up with his girlfriend. Since it's not my fight or loss of friendship, it's not really my place to go into detail. But to make an incredibly long story short, the ex friend decided that he was no longer going to be friends with any of the people in the whole crowd because of something super petty. He made some really douchebag moves and it's entirely on his shoulders that he lost some of his closest friends. For a while it was kind of a touchy subject and I know a lot of people were really hurt by his actions. But now it's just comical and life has moved on smoothly enough without him.

• The outsourced meeting
• At 9:15 a.m. on Thursday, December 12, 2013 my department found out that it will be outsourced. As of April, 2014, Consumer Services Department will be operating out of Peoria, IL. We had known that this was a possibility for a few months, but the finality of the decision was awful. I panicked. What the hell would I do? I don't think it's been any secret that it is far from my dream job and being a temp without job security has eaten away at me every day for more than two and a half years. But as long as I have this temp job while searching for something permanent, I at least have a paycheck coming in. But now even that could be taken away from me. I had a million and ten emotions and thoughts whirling through my head. If I had to go on unemployment, how would I survive? How would I manage? I've been actively job searching since August of 2011 and if I haven't found anything in that time, how was I going to find something in only 4 months? I thought I was going to throw up. I cried. A lot. In front of all my coworkers and managers. Pretty embarrassing. I was a fucking wreck. A week after The Meeting, I had the best pep talk from my dad that I had ever gotten from anyone, but especially from him. I'm still struggling a lot and still worry every day more than what my body can handle, but it's a tiny bit easier with my dad's voice in my ear to push me through. 

Frankly, I don't know how I don't have ulcers after this year. Seriously.

But I have had some good moments, which absolutely cannot go without mentioning:

Super:

• Moving in with Man Friend
• Moving in to our own place has been the best thing we could have done for our relationship. Instead of having to schedule our time together, we get to see each other every single day. We get to cook for each other and eat meals together at the kitchen table. We go grocery shopping together sometimes (although that has halted because we drive each other crazy in the store). When we want to tell each other something, we don't have to call, text or hope to remember it when the other comes over. We can walk into the next room. Or turn around from our desk. We can sleep next to each other every night instead of most weekends. It's a major sense of comfort being able to fall asleep next to the one you love the most every single night. I didn't realize how much I needed it until I had it. He is the last thing I hear every night and the first thing I hear in the morning. By no means was moving in together a seamless transition. We fought. We argued over dumb things.We had to learn how to communicate with each other in a new way. We had to make compromises. I sulked. I slammed doors. I got pissed off and expected him to know exactly why I was mad and how to handle it exactly the way I wanted him to. But I wouldn't want to learn how to live with anyone else. Adjusting to each other and the arguments that arise can never compare to being able to spend a night watching tv together, not worrying about making it home by a certain time to go to bed on a week night or having a romantic meal and movie for date night in.

• Becoming a Big
• Becoming a Big was easily one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. Probably top five. My Little has already taught me so much and I can only hope she feels the same about me. We have so much fun together and I genuinely enjoy hanging out with her, despite the fact that she's "just" a child. I look forward to our meetings every week. I can only hope that my mentorship is making a positive impact on her life. I can tell a huge difference in our relationship since we were first matched around May. I could not have asked for a more perfect match. Well, aside from her being the pickiest eater I have ever encountered in my life. But we have so much fun together making crafts, making and decorating treats and going out on outings to experience the community. And we make pretty awesome things like these reindeer treats:

Deep Thoughts with The Walking Dead

SPOILER ALERT!! If you have not seen season 4's mid-season finale, do not continue reading! I am not going to be responsible for ruining it for you. If you are all caught up, then by all means, please continue on.

So Man Friend and I watched the mid-season finale a few days after it aired. We were both a bit anxious and eager, knowing that something big was going to happen. Everyone getting sick and Carol killing two people, thus getting her kicked out, have been the biggest things to happen for a while. Plus, with a big episode, there has to be something very suspenseful. Before the episode started, Man Friend said that he bet someone was going to die and we placed our bets against each other on who we thought it was going to be. I victoriously threw my hands in the air and yelled "THE GOVERNOR!!" But then was like, "Nah. As much as I want him dead, I doubt it will happen. Too many people love to hate him and he always adds something more to the story." Man Friend's bet was for Rick or Herschel. We debated a little and I said there would be no way they'd kill off Rick. He's the face of the show and without him, the prison group won't mean much.

Well. We both ended up right. Man Friend was a little more logical about it. He was upset by the death of Herschel and was even a little quiet after the show saying that he was so mad he was right. He said he felt the same way when they killed off Dale earlier about killing off the good guy/the voice of reason/ a really likable character. I was not exactly as rational. As soon as the governor beheaded him, I started sobbing. Uncontrollably sobbing.  I know I cry very easily at fictional events, but this was easily the hardest I have ever cried at something that wasn't real. Because it felt so real. I have such an emotional attachment to these characters that I feel so connected to them. I feel a part of this. Unhealthy or not, there it is. Anyway, here is what I sounded like on and off for a solid half hour, at least. "I hate the governor. I HATE HIM! I hate him so much! I hate this stupid show. I hate the writers of this stupid show. I'm never watching this again. I'm going to leave a flaming pile of dog poop on their front porch. I hate you for making me watch this stupid show. I hate this show. I hate the governor. WHY DID THEY HAVE TO KILL HERSCHEL? Why couldn't it have just been a swift bullet to the head? Why did it have to be so cruel to chop off his head? And his daughters had to watch it! Herschel was SUCH a good character! I hate the governor and this stupid show. I'm so glad the governor is finally dead, but he died too easily. I wish Michonne could have made him a walker. Or poked out his other eye at least. But at least he's dead." Guys, I know that it's "just" a tv show. I know.

One of my favorite parts about the show and the prison crew is how insanely in sync they all are with each other and how much every single one of them has each other's back no matter what. As soon as Herschel died, every single person standing outside the prison started shooting and fighting back for what's theirs and for Herschel. The people inside the prison gathered everyone up and into the bus immediately. One of the most bad ass things, though, was when the young girl, Carol's prodigy so to speak, took control of the other girls. She said that Carol had taught them and they should have guns too. When she started shooting, I thought she was Carl. And threw my arms in the air and yelled "YES!" when I realized it was her. I was so oddly proud of her for that. For listening to Carl. For being so brave. And when Maggie threw Beth's words back at her and said "We don't get to be upset. We all have a job to do." For some reason, that moment between the two sisters was just so powerful to me.

After watching the mid-season finale and somehow calming myself down, we turned to Netflix to watch some older episodes. Since I still have not seen most of season 1 and half of season 2, Man Friend is insistent that I watch all of it for better understanding of the show and the characters' past. We picked up where I left off, which was episode 3 of season 1. Although I do appreciate being able to see how the characters and the show has progressed to what I watch now, it's hard for me to go back in time, essentially, to the start of it all. The worst part was being like, well, she's dead, he's dead, he's dead. All of these people are dead! Why am I watching this now? It was really interesting, and actually kind of comical, to see how the interaction and view of the walkers has changed so much. In the current episodes, the characters take out the walkers with such ease. And they are such badasses about it. Darryl with his bow, Rick and Carl with the guns, especially. They are all such fighters now and so little scares them. One person can take out a slew of walkers in one fell swoop. The episode we were watching, a walker got to the camp and it was the first time one had gotten so close to them. It took four of them, at least, to cut its head off before Darryl finally walked up an explained they have to get them in the brain. It was really amusing seeing them all suck so much at it.

The biggest change I think is the evolution of Carol. Can we please talk about that? I think watching her evolve throughout the seasons in chronological order would have been really cool. Watching her grow to the person she's become would have been so much more awesome knowing how she started. Seeing her go from such an independent, strong, confident and courageous person in season 4 to the weak, terrified person in season 1 was really hard. Painful, in fact. Where we left off with her, she had been kicked out of the group with a car and supplies to be on her own. I'm sure she will come back. I'm almost confident she will come back now that the prison group has split up and will probably save someone. And when she does make a reappearance, I'm sure it'll show that she was sad to leave her prison family and worried to be on her own until she found a new group. But the thing is, she left at Rick's wish. He told her she was strong enough to make it, and she is. She's a survivor and will still live no matter where she is or who she's with. I don't know if season 1 Carol could have done that. If she had been kicked out of the group in the early days, how would she have reacted? Begged for forgiveness and tried to stay at any cost? I watched this frail woman cry over her abusive husband when he got his ass kicked for beating her. It was as if I had just watched a completely different person.

And now, I have to wait another two months to see what's going to happen next. I can't handle this kind of stress. My heart is racing a little just thinking about it.

Stress Relief

In a recent conversation with one of my co-workers, I made the statement "I'm what some people like to call "high strung." I hadn't meant it to be as funny as it apparently was, but she laughed super hard. I'm sure the sentiment would be most appreciated by people who know me best because it is so truthful.

I'm a pretty self-aware person who has accepted and can admit her faults. And one of them is how high strung I am. I am a worry wart. I turn molehills into mountains. I worry about things I can control, but mostly things I cannot. I dwell on things until I am so stressed out I can't even handle myself. Granted, I have had a lot of really high stressors in my life. I've been dealt really shitty cards more often than I would have ever wished upon anyone. But the bigger problem is not what I've overcome, but more so the way I handle what life throws my way. I get myself so worked up and stress and stress until it takes over my life.

Guys, stress is a pretty nasty habit. It screws with so much, your body being at the forefront. It can make you really sick. When I experience super strong emotions, especially anxiety, I throw up. It sucks. But also, stress can actually affect your immune system too. I can't count how many times I have seen people get terrible colds when their stress is at an ultimate high.

It can make you break out. As if being 25 with an acne problem isn't bad enough, throw a stressful few days or week in the mix, and you could mistake me for a local middle or high school student.

It can affect your sleep schedule. I'm prone to poor sleep and nightmares as it is, but when I'm really stressed, it gets worse. I spend the night tossing and turning and the higher my stress level is, the more vivid the nightmares. I wake up so exhausted that I feel like I didn't even sleep. Not to mention, I have to think if the person in my dream really did die. Nightmares get old and fast.

It can really change your personality, and usually for the worse. It has spun me into depressions. I've snapped at people because of the smallest things. Usually it gets taken out on Man Friend, who does nothing but try to help me. Sometimes, in the moment, I say things I don't mean or don't even think it's a problem to say. And then I feel awful. There's no need to snap at someone, especially if they're doing everything they can to be supportive. But I find that the people who are there for you the most are going to be the ones to take the brunt of the pain. A friend, who at the time had been dealing with something I had been as well, told me that her fiance said he didn't even recognize her anymore. That was such a sad thing to hear and made me wonder if my family and friends had been thinking the same about me.

After reading all of this, you must wonder how I manage to even get through life. It took a long time of stress just eating away at me to figure it out. Although it is still an ever-evolving work in progress, I am starting to get a lot better at managing stress and anxiety. I've found some really good relief:

• Go for a long walk. Grabbing your favorite music to jam to doesn't hurt either. Without any distractions around, it's a great way to collect yourself and get all your thoughts together. My walks usually start out worrisome and over-analyzing everything. However, after a while, the circulation starts going and I start calming myself down. By the time I'm ready to go home, I usually have worked my thoughts into a 180 and I've come up with solutions for whatever I need to.

• Cook or bake. Just under two years ago, I started teaching myself how to cook. I quickly found that I really enjoyed it. One of the reasons was how much stress relief it provides. Cooking and baking takes a lot of concentration and focus. If you're not paying attention, especially to a new recipe that you need instructions for, you're going to fuck it up some way or another. If you're not careful with knives, blades, heat or open flame, you're going to hurt yourself. Throwing all your energy into focusing on one things gets your mind off your troubles quickly. Plus, if you're a stress eater, you can make a really healthy meal that you feel good about eating. Added bonus: you can always share the meal with someone and have a nice conversation with over food. 

  

  Lavender is my favorite scent to add to a hot bath. How
  can you be upset after inhaling such a soothing and
  relaxing fragrance?

• Take a long, hot bath. It will calm your muscles and you will start to relax. Adding aromatherapy or soothing bath salts to the water will help too. Also, bring a good book with to get your mind off your anxiety. Make sure it's something you're really interested in or your mind will wander. Even if you're not a big reader, bring in a niche magazine dedicated to something you enjoy like cooking, music, cars or electronics. And if a glass of wine happens to follow you into the bathroom and find itself next to the tub, you won't see me judging. 

• Work out. Not only is this yet another way to take your mind away from dwelling by focusing on one thing, it releases endorphins. Endorphins are a natural mood booster that your body is kind enough to provide. And in the words of Elle Woods, "Exercise releases endorphins. Endorphins make people happy. Happy people don't kill their husbands. They just don't."

• Get a massage. I know that often times massages are something of luxury. And when money is a factor in your stress level, it's hard to justify some pampering. Sometimes a day at a spa can really do wonders, but it doesn't need to be extravagant. You can go to a massage school for a really cheap price and the students who work on you are already very experienced. There are also options like Groupon and sales to watch for to get a really cheap rate. Massages are not only relaxing, but can really melt a lot of worry away. They are also great for improving circulation, helping with chronic muscle aches and pain, improving sleep quality, and boosting moods. Hmm, sounds like a lot of what stress triggers.

• Bitch. Seriously, you need to bitch. Call up a friend or hang out together and just rant away. A huge factor in stress for a lot of people, myself included, is that it's hard to talk about your emotions. When you don't talk about what's bothering you, it just festers inside you. It gets bottled up until the tiniest thing pushes you over the edge and you blow up. There was one time in high school, at the prime of me not talking about anything, that I had really been dealing with a lot. I slept over at a friend's house and my mom was awesome enough to bring me an overnight bag. She forgot to pack my socks and birth control. During any ordinary circumstance, it wouldn't have been a big deal. I could have borrowed socks from my friend and taken my pill right away the next morning. But because I had been bottling up so much, I lost it and started bawling. It became known as the infamous Socks and Birth Control moment. Don't let a Socks and Birth Control moment happen to you.

• Go on humor websites. Scroll through the humor section on Pinterest or go on Buzzfeed. Watch stupid YouTube videos. The longer you laugh, the better you'll feel. Soon enough, you'll forget what was upsetting you. It may mean wasting a few hours of your life watching videos of children doing stupid things or reading countless some e-cards, but it's worth it.

• Volunteer. Giving back to your community and helping others, especially those in need, is such an incredible and powerful feeling. Knowing that you made someone else's day a little better or easier is a great way to lift your spirits. It might help you re-evaluate your concerns and perhaps they won't seem so bad anymore. If for nothing else, smiles are contagious. And being around everyone smiling for a short time will at least get you to smile for a few hours.

The Best Two Weeks Ever

You guys. I have been dying to tell you about the great happenings in the last few weeks. And now that everything I had been waiting for has happened, I can share. I've had some of the best weekends I've had in quite some time and I couldn't have been happier. Welp, there was one breakdown. But more on that later.

Friday, October 18th, 2013:

Ok, so I know I didn't need to include the year in there. I assume you guys are smart enough to figure it out. But it makes me feel so "MTV's Diary" with it in. So it stays.

Little and I went to Halloween at Heritage Hill and loved it! I had really been looking forward to it, and I found out that she had been too. We both decided to dress up, though my costume didn't have as much to it as I could have done. Little loves everything horses and dressed up as a horse trainer. I wish I could share her picture on here because her costume was so damn awesome. She had this giant stuffed horse that she attached a harness around and carried around the whole time. She was very disappointed to have not won the costume contest, and frankly, I was a little surprised she didn't get mentioned. Everyone we passed commented on what a cute and/or creative idea it was. But then again, almost all the winners were super little nuggets, so gotta give them the spotlight, I suppose. One girl, maybe Little's age or a tad younger, won one of the categories. They announced her as Little Bo Peep, to which she indignantly responded with, "I'm not Little Bo Peep! I'm Scarlett O'Hara!" You go, kid. You frickin go.

Big-Little temporary tattoos

The Park had a lot of great activities we could participate in besides the costume contest. We went through a Haunted hallway to start right away. Even though I know that it's just one hallway at a place aimed for children, that nothing is real, and no one can hurt us, I am such a baby that I was a teensy bit apprehensive. Especially when an actor came up right behind us and followed us through. I knew I couldn't show Little this, though, so I tried to be silly and said "Oooh spooky! Someone's following us!" I think it helped, though she said she almost peed herself inside. Little trick or treated and played a few games. We listened to story telling, which we quickly found out was geared towards very small children. I thought it would be someone telling spooky stories, but it was just someone reading from a Halloween novel. For children who still need to be carried, I'm sure it was great. Little and I were a little bored. We also watched a shadow play and got a tram tour of a Sleepy Hollow re-enactment. That was actually super cool. Hearing the legend told and watching the actors dressed in period clothing was really fun. A friend recently started working at Heritage Hill and was one of the Sleepy Hollow actors.  I was so excited to see her and whisper-shouted and waved to her from the tram. At least I waited until a break in the skit. I was polite enough for that.

It was a rainy night, and luckily it was mostly just misty. However, after about an hour and a half, it started picking up and we were getting really soggy. We trekked inside for some Halloween arts and crafts and got temporary tattoos together. Little seemed to really enjoy herself and told me before we were even back to my car that she wanted to come back next year too. Can't argue with that.

The only thing I wished could have been different was how many things were geared towards really little kids. Little played a few games that worked for older kids and a few that did not. I could tell she realized she was a little too old for some of them after she started playing. Others we just by-passed. So, Friend-Who-Will-Be-In-Charge-Next-Year, if you're reading this, please consider my small suggestion.


Saturday, October 19th, 2013:

Volunteering for Halloween at the Y:

This was my third year volunteering and it's one of my favorite things to participate in with the Y. One of the best parts about the event is that there are so many different kids, and kids of all ages. They are all so excited to be there, whether they are barely walking or entering into their pre-teen years. I love interacting with all of them and watching how excited they are to play games.

I've done all my volunteering through the West Side Y, but with all the plans I had Halloween weekend, I couldn't make it. I thought I would have to miss it, but luckily, the Broadview location in DePere had their event the weekend before. I was nervous to not know anyone there and not be familiar with my surroundings, but I dragged my sister along so she could get high school community service hours and decided to make the most of it. The last two years I was placed in the carnival games section: the most fun and exciting part, in my opinion. I pretty much got to choose whichever game I wanted to be at. Mostly because I've always gotten there early, and because most of the staff knows or recognizes me with all the other volunteering I do. As a new face with this location, I didn't get my first pick. Sister and I were placed at the Rainbow Rompers. It's basically an obstacle course made of mats and slides for toddlers. We were both kind of bummed at first to not be at a cooler station, but at least we were paired together. It ended up being pretty fun and we all know that the tiniest costumes are always the cutest. Toddlers certainly are adorable. Mom, if you're reading this, calm down. I'm sure your "Monica needs to have a baby" sensors are flashing and buzzing but it's not happening.

Halloween selfie before going to the Y

Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013:

I had the nicest surprise from one of my best friends who moved away. Remember my See You Later Letter? Yeah, that one. Anyway, she was in town for a few days, but I thought we would only be able to see each other on Saturday. However, some of her plans got done early and we got to hang out together for a while. We just sat around, eating junk food and chatting. Even before her move, it had been a really long time that just the two of us could sit together and talk. It was so relaxing and relieving to have some much-needed girl talk. When Man Friend came home from work, we all caught up on the season premiere of the Walking Dead. It was almost like old times, minus one person. I didn't realize how much I needed that until it happened.


Friday, October 25th, 2013:

This was the second-best day of them all! I was in such a great mood all day, even while at work, just in anticipation of what the evening would bring. I got the afternoon for e-mail time, which meant throwing my earbuds in, jamming to some music, hammering out consume e-mails and most importantly, not being on phones. One of my managers saw a post I had on the Book of Faces and tried playing a trick on me that I'd have to go on the phones instead of e-mail time, but I dodged that one.

Eight hours flew by and I headed home in record time. Or at least it felt like it. I headed to my Grandma's for a little family get together. My mom was in town for my not-so-baby sister's 16th birthday party and wanted to see the extended family since she won't be home until Christmas. Sometimes, we all get at each other's throats and often times at least someone is upset by the end of the night. But it was really a lot of fun. We all got to catch up and truly enjoy each other's company. We gorged on pizza, snacks and beer (of course). It was such a refreshing time and nice to get together without the hectic busy-ness that holidays can bring. I got to show Mom my pictures with my Little and tell her a lot about our adventures together. We text, call and Facebook each other often enough, but having a full conversation in person is just so much different.

After Grandma's wrapped up, the second half of the night began. Man Friend and I had my whole "high school" crowd over. Out of the five of them, four have moved out of town or state in the last year. It's been so incredibly hard for me having them all so far away after basically growing up together. But being together in an apartment, shouting, drinking and laughing on a Friday night was like not a single thing had changed. When we were all together again, it was as if not one tiny day had passed. It's amazing to have such a close group of friends that we can all fall right back into place after months of being hours and hours apart. I'm almost entirely certain that our neighbors hated us that night, if they already don't. But oh well.


Saturday, October 26th, 2013:

Ok, here it is. The best day of the weekend. It started off mildly stressful trying to find Man Friend a Halloween costume. I ordered ours online this year, which put us in very dangerous territory. I hoped harder than I had ever hoped that they would arrive on time and would fit. I tried mine on right away, and by some miracle, it fit perfectly. Relief! Man Friend, however, did not try his on until two days before we were scheduled for going out. This drove me up a frickin wall. Between my very strong love for Halloween and control-freak tendencies, I need everything to be done and figured out a million years in advance. When they're not, I panic a little. Maybe a lot, but who's counting? Anyway, we ended up finding a different costume and luckily for my sanity and Man Friend's safety, it only took two stores. And he actually liked it more than the first one anyway. I considered it a success.

My mom had rented one of the Packers party houses for the weekend for Sister's birthday party and used it instead of a hotel. The house was just gorgeous and perfectly set up for parties/tailgating. Go figure. I went there in the afternoon to help Sister set up for the party and for her to curl my hair for my costume. Since I got there later than I had anticipated, "set up" meant that I placed plastic pumpkins all over the house as part of the decorations. And then I sat down for an hour for my sister to make me beautiful. Pumpkin-placing was a lot of work. I needed a break, ok? Well, my hair turned out awesomely. I was so in love with the job she did. I also had a hole around me in the ozone layer from all the hairspray I had on my head. Sorry, tree huggers.

The whole friend crowd got together for dinner at St. Brennan's that evening. If you haven't been there yet and you're in the area, I highly recommend it. I've only been twice, but have not been disappointed. Great service, drinks and food. It's a nice change from the kind of restaurant and atmosphere that Man Friend and I usually do for our date nights. I don't think I ever laugh as hard as I do when I'm with them. I'm sure the surrounding tables were rather annoyed with us, but not one of us cared a single bit. After dinner we tried to carry on the tradition of a group picture in the restaurant. We were failing miserably with the set-timer on my camera when a stranger walked by and offered to take some for us. He was very patient with our "just one more!"s and "Ok, now a funny one!"s. Then, much to my surprise, Dad and some of his family walked in the door. They had just gone to see a show and were grabbing post-show drinks.

This. This is why other patrons hate us.

Here's our "just one more."

And the one that came after Just One More

After a mildly stressful temporary parting of ways, we headed back downtown to XS for their Halloween party. Ok, you might be thinking Really? The gay bar? but it's seriously the best place to go. They have cheap drinks, lots of dancing and is the best place in town for people watching. Until men look prettier than you and you get oddly jealous. I don't think we've ever gone there and not had a good time. I had put so much effort in to my costume that I wish we had spent a little longer there. Ok, maybe not. Despite feeling great and having a wonderful time, my feet were fucking killing me. I haven't worn heels in a while and apparently, my feet did not care for this. Even with Dr. Scholls in. By the time we left, I walked away in my tights despite the very cold ground. Sorry, Jenna Marbles. I did not make a mini marriage to my shoes that night.

Grumpy cowboy is grumpy.

I'm not sure if this is much better

Remember how I said earlier that a meltdown happened? Well, guys. This is it. As we were saying goodbye, I was ambushed by my own emotions and lost it. I mean full-blown hot mess lost it. And no, I was not emotional drunk. Just really emotional. My cousin told me I need to stop going to XS because I'm going to start having really bad associations with the place. I had no idea that saying goodbye was going to be so hard. I had already seen them (minus one) one time each this summer and had to say bye then. I would have thought those byes would have been the hardest with them being the first ones since all the moves. Nope. Not even close. Standing in that parking lot, with my longest-run of friendships, it was like they were all moving all over again. Only this time instead of being staggered in February, April and May, it was all of them together. Even just a short weekend together felt like we were back together like it used to be. It's really embarrassing how much I've cried in that parking lot. I fucking bawlled the entire time we said our goodbyes and almost the entire way home.


Sunday, October 27th, 2013:

After a crazy two nights, Sunday was pretty relaxing. Well, what I had of Sunday. I slept half my day away and didn't get up until noon. Man Friend, Former Roomie and another one of my friends who moved went to Hu Hot and stuffed ourselves to the point of being uncomfortable. The restaurant has been such a go-to for us though out the years and is one of the few things everyone who has moved away can agree on that they miss about Green Bay.

I got to have some nice family time with both my mom and dad. Not together. Don't be silly. Man Friend and I stopped over by my dad's to pick up my car from the night before. Dad was making his delicious chili that I wanted to eat every last ounce of. He told me some horror stories about the duplexes he is a landlord to. His tenants were awful people who caused thousands and thousands of dollars of damage. I had known it was really bad, but didn't know the full extent of it until then. People are fucking disgusting and have zero respect for anything.

Since my mom still had the Packers party house, I went there for the game. Mom and I got to chat some more, and we hung out with some of her friends and her man friend's family. It was such a great place to watch a game. The only bad thing was how late of a game it was. I have zero desire for late games. Bring on the Nooners! Really, day drinking for games is so much better.

Yes. I am the shortest.

Thursday, October 31st, 2013:

Even though I had already celebrated Halloween, the greatest holiday of the year, three times already, nothing beats the actual day of. We had trick or treating at the office and for the first time since childhood, I got a stomachache from too many sweets. I didn't even make it to the whole department. When people bring in doughnuts, muffins, cookies and mini cheesecakes in addition to candy, I'm going to eat it all. Sorry, I'm not sorry.

I got to go with a friend and her daughter on a very soggy trick or treating adventure. Although the friend and I have been very close since the 4th grade, we had a little bit of a rough patch for about a year. I'm just grateful that things are slowly but surely turning around. Nearly losing a life-time friendship was tough, but I'm glad things are turning up. Her daughter is one of the cutest damn kids I've ever met in my life and I've been attached to her since the day she was born. I didn't know it was possible to love a child who isn't family so much until she came around. I've gone trick or treating with them three years now, and even though I was soggy and cold by the end of the night, I couldn't have asked for a better night.

The two best witches in town...even though her
tights and hat were ditched the second we got in the house.

I know this was super long. If you're still reading, I thank you. I am just so excited to share my happiness with all of you!

How to Road Rage

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of driving with me, I'll share a little secret. I have a teensy road rage problem. I pretty much hate everyone else on the road. Especially on Highway 41. I never realized how many awful and stupid drivers there really were until I started my commute to Neenah every day. Mornings aren't the worst, but 4:30 in the afternoon is nearly unbearable. Pair that with a home Packers pre-season game on a Friday and it's officially the worst driving situation possible. There have been times with these games plus normal Friday rush hour traffic that it took me at least an hour and fifteen minutes to complete my normally thirty minute drive. I would be better off walking home. In fact, my anxiety level would probably make that the better decision.

Since I have developed a pretty strong road rage background, I have decided to share it with you so that you too can be a successful road-rager.

1. Firstly, you need to yell a lot. I really mean a lot. Use your outdoor voice.
2. Use plenty of swear words. Now is a good time to make some new ones up too.
3. Flip people off when they do something really stupid, but mainly when they put you in danger. Good examples are when someone very closely cuts you off or nearly hits you. I use this one sparingly so when I really need it, it's extra satisfying.
4. Honk. Really lay on that horn. This is only useful if you have a nice, robust horn. Carly's Cobalt horn does not do much justice for this. 
5. Ride someone's ass if they're going below the speed limit. Get mad if someone rides yours. Especially when you're already going 10 mph over.
6. Wave your arms around to emphasize your point. 
7. Keep up exactly with the car next to you when you can see some asshole in your rear view mirror weaving in and out of traffic. Don't let him pass! This particular move is the most satisfying when you make eye contact with the driver you are next to and you both have a silent moment of understanding. This, my friends, is called team work.

While you're doing so much yelling, you may run out of things to shout. Don't worry, I've got you covered. Here are some of my favorites.

• What the fuck are you doing?!
• What. The. Fuck.
• Did that seriously just happen?
• Learn to frickin drive!
• The speed limit is SIXTY FIVE!
• It's only 55 in a construction zone!
• Oh shit, is that a cop? No. Phew. Shit. THAT'S a cop.
• I hope you get pulled over! Where's the cop when you need him/her?
• Fucking GO!
• Get off my ass!
• What do you think you're doing, Ass Face?
• I don't think so!
• Why are we breaking? Why. Are. We. Breaking.
• I can't go any faster with a car in front of me, buddy!
• The fast lane is wide open. Pass me or back off!
• Are you kidding me?
• Would you look where you're going?
• Your bumper sticker is stupid. You're a fucking idiot.
• Lets go [insert name of Vanity plate here]!
• Don't flick your cigarette out by my car!
• Guess that car doesn't come equipped with blinkers!
• Nice blinker, Asshole!
• MOVE! I need to get over!
• It's called getting over so people can merge from the on ramp!

This should feel relatable after your drive.