I Have Real, Human Emotions

Hello dear readers! I've been struggling to come up with what to write the last few days. I made a vow to myself that I was going to be more active here than I was last year, and I will be damned if I break my promise to myself. Last year, I blogged when I felt like it, and kind of lost touch sometimes. There were months when I only had one post. I've been getting better at making sure to get my weekly post done, but one thing I need to work on is setting a time aside every week for myself and my writing. I had several hours a week set aside for writing for class and homework when I was in college, so why do I have such a hard time making one hour at the exact same time every week now?

Anyway, I find it so much harder to write when I'm struggling with days, myself or life in general. I have so much more to say when things aren't going well, and so much more raw emotions to work with that presents unlimited writing material. The hard stuff is what makes you relatable to others. Not just in writing, but in real life as well. It's what brings people together, and writing about whatever has been on my mind has always been therapeutic for me.

I've definitely had a lot to work with lately. So far, my inkling that 2013 was going to be fabulous has been terribly wrong. I know, I know, it's only two months into the new year. But in those two months, I've had the worst flu/sickness I've had in at least five years, had essentially a week to move out of my house since I was sick for a week, realized how much Former Roomie's friendship meant and how much it hurt having to say "see ya later" (I've cried more in public in the last two weeks than I ever have in my life), found out the majority of my closest friends will be moving across the country, my sister will be joining my mom and moving out of state, winter driving gives me terrible anxiety, I've missed work and have been late to work because of the roads, I lost a friend, lost a family member, had even more stress at work than usual, and am continuously being rejected for job after job.

So what's the problem, you say? Somehow, throwing all my feels out there to the world makes my struggles and emotions so much more real. It's hard to admit I'm not as strong as I'd like to be. It's hard opening up and knocking down that wall of stubborn-ness and independence that I've had guarding my persona. It's so much easier only sharing when things are going well and sharing when I'm having so much fun. After two weeks of public sobbing in preparation of former Roomie moving across the country, I told Man Friend how much I hate crying, especially in front of others. I told him I don't want anyone to see me cry because it makes me vulnerable. He told me to not ever think of crying as leaving myself vulnerable. He said it makes you stronger because you're dealing with your emotions and showing that you care about something. And damnit if that wasn't one of the truest and most profound things I've heard in a while.

So, I'm going to try my best to heed his advice. World, be prepared for some raw and heartfelt posts. That's not to say I'm only going to write when I'm unhappy or only share emotional moments. Hell to the no. I want to share the happy moments, the stupid things that happen in my life and how much fun I have too. I'm just going to try to learn that actually sharing the bad with the good isn't so terrible. I want to be able to share more than just what's stressful. I want to try really hard to delve deeper and actually say WHY I'm stressed or struggling and how it makes me feel. Not just that it's happening. And eventually, it won't be so hard.

I'm feeling better already.

Cheap Date Night Ideas

I'm constantly trying to think of new date night ideas for myself and Man Friend. For one, we're both in quite the financial pinch and cannot always do the dinner and movie that we would ideally like to do. For another, frankly, I get bored doing the same thing over and over. I find that often times we get in a rut of watching tv at home. I get bored and crabby (especially in winter when cabin fever takes over) and that leads to tiffs, and lack of conversation. When you're zoning out in front of the tv, you don't communicate at all. And isn't that why you want to spend time with your significant other, to enjoy their conversation and company? I've come up with a list of fun and low-cost date night ideas, for any couples out there who ever get themselves into a rut. Some are specific to the Green Bay area, and others are more generic.

• Make a meal together
• Have a movie, pizza, wine night in. Bonus: picking a movie together that neither of you have seen before.
• Go for a long walk. Even better, if you have a nature trail to go on
• Have a game night
• Volunteer together. Note: Man Friend and I volunteered together and it was one of the best times we spent together. Not only did we do something to give back to the community, but Man Friend wanted to do something new with me that I really enjoyed.
• Spend a day at the Wildlife Sanctuary. 
• Go to an Amusement Park. Bay Beach, for Green Bay-ers
• Go to a zoo. NEW zoo for Green Bay, or if you're looking for a bit of a road trip, make your way up to the DeYoung family zoo in Michigan.
• Walk through the Garden of Lights around Christmas in Green Bay



Our Christmas cookies from this year

• Decorate Christmas cookies 
• Carve pumpkins for Halloween
• Color Easter eggs
• See re-enactments at Heritage Hill in Green Bay
• Go to a museum. Green Bay's Neville has a lot of temporary exhibits, so you can choose something you're interested in.
• Lay outside and star-gaze. Leave the cell phones inside!
• Have a picnic lunch or dinner at a park
• Go sledding
• Go to a movie in the park showing.
• Looking for some intimacy? Take a hot bath with candles lit. Massages after never hurt.
• Watch a Packers practice in Green Bay in the weeks leading up to pre-season
• Find a free or low-admission concert. Small festivals are good for this. Fourth of July Downtown, Bay Fest, county fairs or Celebrate DePere are good options in Green Bay. 
• Go out for ice cream. Bonus: walking or biking there.

Sucky and Super Saturday

In the last few weeks:

Sucky:

• I lost a family member and a friend within two weeks. It's been incredibly emotional and it sucked. A lot.
• I had to move out of my house into a temporary residence just to move again in another few weeks. Read more about it here.
• I hate everything about winter, and it's been a rough one already this year. I even had to miss work one day because it would not have been safe for me to make the commute.
• I had the flu wicked bad and missed almost a full week of work. Three weeks later, Man Friend is now out of commission with the same thing.
• Girls Night Out is not having convening this session. The program as a whole is being evaluated and I will be so bummed if they end it.

Super:

• Even though my friend's funeral was one of the toughest things I've had to do in a long time, it brought together many people. I got to see his family, and some of my friends I hadn't seen in quite some time.
• This blog reached and passed 2,000 views. Patience and effort is paying off!
• I just got signed up to fund-raise for the Strong Kids Campaign with the Y again. Stay tuned for deets!
• Man Friend and I finally got some stress-free alone time and our first date out to dinner by ourselves in months. It was so needed and I had such a good time.

The Ups and Downs of Moving

Hello dear readers! For those of you who know me in real life, this should not come as a shock to you, but I have a really hard time with emotions. I'm an incredibly emotional person, but I have a very difficult time showing my emotions, and an even harder time dealing with and understanding them. I don't like to let too much of my personal feelings and tribulations show on my public space, but here comes a little nugget of seriousness.

I hate moving...mostly because I don't handle change very well. No matter the circumstances of moving, I hate it with every single fiber of my being. However, today's move is hitting me particularly hard. Today is my last day in my house with Roomie. The house has been for sale for a few months now, and plans to sell and/or move have been in the books for well over a year now. But now that it's here and happening, it's way more difficult than I had ever anticipated.

First of all, moving is incredibly stressful. It's tedious, time-consuming, tiresome, expensive, and a lot of physical work. The only positive thing about constantly going up and down stairs, lifting, twisting and carrying is how much exercise it is. However, it leaves you sore and tired, and in constant fear of dropping something fragile or breaking yourself. Packing takes forever, you have to get all kinds of boxes and storage bins, downsize, do lots of laundry and do lots of wrapping of breakables. I have no idea how people do this for a living. They must hate their lives.

There's a lot I'm going to miss from living here. Roomie, for one. We've been friends most of our lives, but living with him for nearly two years made our friendship even closer and stronger than it was before. It'll be an adjustment of not only not being in the same residence, but of him being on the other side of the country as well. I'll miss coming home to someone who likes bitching just as much as I do. Because let's face it, our household consisted of swearing and alcohol. You gotta go witcha strengths. I will miss all the ridiculous things we do together, namely singing terrible songs and talking in movie/tv/comedy/youtube quotes. I'm so excited for him to start his new job in a new city and have a fresh start, particularly because he is so excited. I'm excited to have a new place to visit, but it's going to be a huge change not having him around all the time.

Nuggets for two. When I first moved in, I wouldn't even touch Lucy. I kept her away from me for a solid month by chasing her with the Swiffer. It was my only defense against jumping, scratching, licking, sniffing and general curiosity. And somehow, the little diva found her way under my skin and MADE me fall in love with her. And then we got Snoopy, and I thought I was going to have an aneurysm having two hyperactive dogs in the house with me. Somehow, he figured out how to make me love him too. It's the damn beagle eyes. They pathetically just look up at you, begging you to love them and before you know it, the sneaky bastards have weasled their way into your heart. I don't even like animals, but damnit if I didn't sob sitting in an empty kitchen saying goodbye to them.

I bet you're already won over. 

I will definitely miss all the parties we've had at our house. We were the party house for my group of friends for a significant amount of time. We threw two Memorial Day parties that were pretty baller, if I do say so myself. We've had New Years, Packer games, and countless Friday nights in that house and it's going to be so sad and weird without that staple.

However, there is definitely a lot I will not miss. For one, White Trash. White Trash is our kiddy-corner neighbor who we hate. His name should be fairly self-explanatory. We called the cops on him Friday, he was arrested Sunday, and somehow was deemed ok to be released by Tuesday. I will not miss cops constantly on our street or sirens always blaring in the middle of the night. I will not miss the drug house two doors down. I will not miss our judgey, lazy next door neighbors. I will not miss our street never getting plowed properly, if at all. Although I will miss the puppies, I will not miss all pee, poop and vomit that happened all over the house. I will not miss the whining and howling whenever there was any noise outside. The wind would blow wrong and the howling wouldn't stop for five minutes.

Despite the fact that I don't exactly handle change very well, and am really struggling with this transition, I do have a lot to look forward to. To save some monies, Man Friend and I are moving in with his cousin for a year or so, and eventually will be getting a place of our own. I am so incredibly excited to move in with Man Friend and get a start on our lives together. I can't wait to be able to go to bed with him every night instead of just most weekends. He will be the last thing I see every night before drifting off to sleep and his "goodnight" will be the last thing I hear before my dreams. His voice will be the first thing I hear every morning before heading off to work. We won't have to map out our time and figure out when we get to see each other. We will be able to go to sleep when we're tired instead of keeping our eyes open to be able to spend an hour together every night. We can cook and eat meals together on a regular basis. It will be a huge step in our relationship and a giant change for each of us. I've definitely gone over the "what ifs" a thousand times, but I can just feel it in my heart that it will be the right decision for us and will be such a positive move for us as a couple. He's the man I hope to spend the rest of my life with, and probably the only person I would give up having my own room for.

25 Things You May or May Not Know About Me II

Hello, dear readers! Sorry it's been so long. Life has been a tad hectic, stressful, busy and sickly lately.

In large part due to the amount of stress that I've had recently, I've been doing a lot of soul searching. A lot of digging deep into my life and self, figuring out what is truly important to me, and learning a lot about myself. And trust me, it's been exhausting.

In light of all the recent self-digging, I've decided to enlighten you a little. Plus, if my readers are anything like me, you're nosy. So here's Part Two of Things You May or May Not Know About Me:

• I have the patience of a small child, and that's on a good day.
• I pick the labels off bottles, whether they're glass or plastic
• Last year I taught myself to cook, and I really enjoy it.
• I've always wanted a convertible.
• My car's name is Carly.
• I will not eat pea soup. It looks like baby shit.
• I used to hate football but am now an avid Packers fan.
• My favorite tv show is Law and Order: SVU
• No matter how much of a shoe snob I may be, Chuck Taylors will always be my favorite.
• I'm way clumsier now than I ever was as a child.
• I could probably recite all of Grease, if I really tried.
• I've recently become quite the wine-o.
• I have 15 holes in my ears and every intention to get more.
• I really enjoy scrapbooking and stamping. I just wish I had more time for it.
• If I end up half as successful as my college mentor, I will be happy with my life.
• I miss the college life, but don't have any desire to re-do it.
• My favorite chips are Spicy Sweet Chili Dorritos.
• I have a huge sweet tooth.
• My very first concert was Blink-182 and Green Day. They will both always hold a special place in my heart.
• My family may drive me nuts, but I'm very lucky to have such a supportive bunch.
• Poor spelling and grammar makes me go batshit crazy.
• I'm a firm believer that if junk food, a hot bath, wine, and a good book can't solve your problems, nothing can.
• I hate scary movies.
• I wish I was more fashionable.
• My favorite job was as a barista

Peace and Blessings, 2012!

I'm going to start off this post by bluntly saying, 2012 sucked. Sure, there were some good points and some days I really enjoyed, but overall, last year was garbage. And according to what I've seen on Facebook, this seems to be the general consensus for almost everyone I know. Last year gave me a lot of stress and on so many different levels. Life definitely threw me a lot of curve balls, and I'm not sure I can handle much more bad luck or things not working out in my favor. I can feel it in my bones, though, that 2013 is going to be different. Mostly because I don't think there's too much bad luck left for me to run into. 

Roomie and I decided to have our friends over for New Year's Eve for a big party. We ended a garbage year for both of us and rang in a new one on a great note. Aside from Memorial Day, it was one of our most successful parties. Partying at home was a much better option than going out to the bars. No cover charges, no drinking and driving, so much cheaper overall, we got to have a pajama party, and of course, we were gluttonous as usual with loads and loads of food. Oh, and fireworks. There aren't fireworks at bars.

With the success of game night for the ugly sweater party, we had a night of games. We played Man Law and Woman Rules and some other game Man Friend brought. I had never heard of the game he brought, but it was basically an adult version of Truth or Dare. We made a rule right away that as such close friends, no matter the requests of the game, no one would get upset or offended. It was just a frickin riot; I don't think I've ever laughed so hard playing a game. We definitely learned a lot about each other that probably wouldn't have come out otherwise (or the help of handy dandy liquid courage) and watched each other do ridiculous stunts.

At midnight, we popped some champagne and headed outside to light off some fireworks in the frigid cold. I hate the cold with every fiber of my being and am getting over a cold and didn't want to even go outside. But, I did for a while, had a sparkler, and watched everyone else. We had a firework going in the middle of the street when we saw a car coming. By the time the vehicle approached, the firework wasn't finished. Instead of stopping or going down a different street, the dumb shits in the vehicle drove right through it. They had sparks following them, and I honestly thought I was about to watch a car catch fire or blow up. Luckily, it didn't, but I couldn't get over how stupid that was. I'm sure the driver was just hammered and trying to be funny. But if something would have happened, it would have been entirely out of their own stupidity.

Champagne at midnight

The best guy I could ring in the New Year with

The firework that was run over just moments after this

By the time we went to bed, I was so damn exhausted I couldn't even function. Just three years ago, I could stay up 'til 3, 4 or even 5 a.m without any problem. And that happened regularly. Last night, I stayed up 'til 3, which was about 21 hours straight. When I went to bed, Man Friend literally had to get me undressed, glasses off, and into bed. I managed to sleep my entire day away and didn't wake up until 1 in the afternoon. I woke up to find Man Friend had cleaned up the entire mess from the night before. Dishes done, counters wiped down, all the bottles, plates and cups picked up and put away. I kept telling him I was so lucky to have him in my life and how appreciative I was that he takes such good care of me. It's things like that that make me realize how lucky I really am to have such an amazing guy. I need to remember these moments when we fight over something stupid, or when I snap at him because of unrelated stress. Relationships can be so fragile and can easily be broken, but I'm confident that if I treat more moments this way, we will forever have a strong relationship.

With that positive note, here are some of my (realistic) goals for this upcoming year:

• Maintain consistency in a workout routine
• Maintain consistency in my overall health
• Get at least one new follower on my blog
• Get at least another 500 views on my blog
• Get a full time, permanent job, preferably doing something I enjoy

Christmas 2012

Hello dear readers! I know it's a bit late for a Christmas post, but with the holiday craziness, I haven't had much of a chance to catch up. But this lazy New Year's Day has given me the perfect time for you to all catch up with my oh-so-eventful life.

This year's Christmas was one of the best I've had yet. I was able to spend a lot of time with my family and friends, kept up with old traditions and created some new ones. For me, the importance of Christmas lays in spending time with those closest to you and enjoying traditions passed down through generations or even just that are carried out year after year. Luckily for me, I genuinely enjoy spending time with my family. I'm fortunate enough to have a family that I get along with when so many people dread the holidays because it means being forced to interact with people they don't care about or just don't want to be around.

Man Friend and I started our celebration early this year. We couldn't even make it to Christmas Eve...we exchanged gifts on the Friday before. This was partly out of antsiness and partially out of time constraints. We wanted to be able to exchange on our own and not with all of our family and didn't want to be rushed with all the different get-togethers. I made him a "beer cake" with his favorite Coors Light and a bunch of Wisco-brewed beers and the movie Iron Man 2. He got me some new slippers to replace my previous pair that were literally falling apart at the seams, an electric wine opener and a book of recipes in jars.

 

My cousin and me in our ugly Christmas outfits

Saturday we had a Christmas get-together with my (well, our now) friends. It was supposed to be an ugly sweater party, but half the people missed the memo and actually dressed nice. We all brought food to share, and you'd think we're starved. The food we had in one room could have easily fed an entire 3rd-world village for a week, and we scarfed it up in a few hours. Ahh, gluttony. Typically when we get together, we just sit around drinking and talking, but we decided to bring some games along this time. Last year's ugly sweater party was our first game party, with the Logo game. We had enough fun with it that we decided it would be a good way to go again this year. We played Apples to Apples and Catchphrase. I had never played Catchphrase before, but I really enjoyed it. It's fun to have to think on your feet, see what kinds of things you know and what your teammates know.

Sunday was mostly a lazy day, laying around the house. Man Friend and I watched Polar Express for the first time, which was such a cute movie! Unfortunately, the volume on my computer isn't super loud and the movie was pretty quiet. We had to strain to hear parts, but I really enjoyed the movie otherwise. We finished the night off by making and decorating Christmas cookies. Well, actually, Man Friend baked the cookies and  made the frosting. I have zero patience for baking. I just watched and then we frosted the cookies together. I've been frosting Christmas cookies every year ever since I can remember, and this is one of my favorite traditions. It's nice to be able to do things with Man Friend that I've always done with my family growing up.

Since Man Friend had to work Christmas Eve, I spent the day finishing up gifts and cooking. I made a meal for the two of us so we could spend a little more time alone for the holiday before non-stop running. After eating, we drove around and looked at lights. This is my other favorite tradition from growing up. I found a scavenger hunt online for all kinds of different decorations to look for. Usually we just drive around looking for the most or best decorated and well-lit. It was a fun little date and exciting trying to knock off everything on the list. I think we got all but one.

Christmas Day was a little bonkers with three different stops, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. We started the morning at my Dad's with him, my step mom and brother and my sisters. Dad made a big breakfast and after stuffing our faces like fat kids, we opened presents. I got pretty spoiled. Not only did I get more presents than I expected, I got some really great stuff that I will actually enjoy and get a lot of use out of. After opening my baby sister's present of writing stuff, she apologized for such a lame present, but she  didn't have a lot of money. It just broke my heart to hear that. It's not the size or expense of a gift that makes it meaningful to me. It's the thought and effort put into it, which she obviously did. And that's all that really matters.

We left for Man Friend's Dad's where we stuffed our faces again and spent a few hours with his dad, step mom, and step family. I'm still getting to know his family, particularly the extended members, so it was nice to be able to spend time with them and learn a little more about them. It's still quite hard for me to talk to people I don't know, so it was a little awkward. I'm just not very good at starting small talk, but when everyone was in the room together, conversing was a little easier. And I got to play with Man Friend's adorable step-niece. If nothing else, I'm good with kids and that can easily be an ice-breaker. We exchanged gifts with his dad and step mom and each got some more great stuff.

Grand kids waiting for Secret Santa

We had one more stop for the day, with my Dad's side of the family. We typically have Christmas for the whole family at my grandpa's, but his furnace went out. Although my stubborn grandpa tried to insist it would be fine to have the whole shebang at his house still, Dad offered his place. It was a little bit of a tight squeeze for everyone to fit, but the important thing was that everyone was there together. Dad made his once-a-year delicious meal of mushroom tenderloin and more face-stuffing ensued. Every year, the grand kids exchange a name for Secret Santa gifts. I decided this was going to be my last year of participation. I really look forward to the gift exchange every year, particularly the excitement of finding out whose name I'm going to draw, but this was definitely my last. Next Christmas I'll be 25, and I think that is probably the limit. At that point, I'm not anywhere near a kid anymore, so I think I need to be done.

My mom and her bf weren't able to come up until after Christmas, so we celebrated with them a few days later at my grandma's. Mom made a huge breakfast for everyone, like she always did on Christmas Day when she was home. My sisters and I were going to frost some cookies together, but Middle Sister needed sleep after being up for 22 hours straight, and the rest of us decided just to relax together instead of rushing anyway. We exchanged presents and just talked for a while, catching up. Since Mom is only in town for a few days at a time, we always need to fit weeks or months worth of talking into just a few days or hours. After a few hours, the rest of Mom's family showed up and we had Christmas with her side. We ate shortly before the Packers game started (don't even get me started on that game) and exchanged gifts after. We don't have enough grand kids on her side to do a Secret Santa, but the siblings exchange with each other and god parents/kids exchange.

Although a little hectic and a little stressful, overall I had a great holiday week. I couldn't ask for better people to spend my time with or a more fun time to have.