Touring Lambeau

Saturday Little and I attended one of the coolest Match activities we've done to date: toured Lambeau Field! I can't even begin to explain what great experience it was, but I'm going to try.

First of all, what Packers fan doesn't want to tour Lambeau? For that matter, for any fan to tour their team's stadium and facilities. I felt like a kid in a candy shop being the workplace of my favorite players and seeing all the behind the scenes details. I had no idea how much really went into their team and it was a great learning experience.

Our tour guide was Tim Terry, a former linebacker for Seattle who now works for Pro Personnel for the Packers. What a genuinely good guy! Before starting the tour, he introduced himself to the group and shook everyone's hand, Bigs and Littles alike, said nice to meet you and asked our names. If he didn't tell us that he was a former football player, I still could have easily guessed. He is a giant. Ok, everyone is a giant when you're 5'2", but for real, he's a big guy. When he shook my hand, his hand enveloped mine and my wrist. He led the whole tour with enthusiasm, knowledge and pride. Even if I wasn't a Packers fan, I'm sure I would have enjoyed walking around listening to him talk, learning all kinds of new things.

Throughout the tour, we got to see the weight room, cafeteria, the room with the Super Bowl trophies, the training room, one of the film rooms, their hot tub/cold tub area, the press conference room, meeting rooms, the mail area, the game day tunnel, the locker room and the field. One of the coolest parts of the tour was learning about the team's history. Tim made it a point to say how much the team's history is such an integral part of the team and franchise. He said they make sure that new players know about the history so they can appreciate the team more, but also make a strong connection with the past and the present.

Trophies

Workout room

Little's favorite part was getting to stand in front of Clay Matthew's locker. Matthews is her favorite player and she looked like she was ready to pee her pants. No worries kid, I was there myself. Seeing the team's lockers with the uniforms they wear on game day was super cool. Athletes are huge celebrities and in a small-ish town like Green Bay, the celebrity-dom is even bigger. Without the Packers, GB wouldn't have much, and those guys get near-idol status.

Since I ca't post the picture of her in front of the locker, this is the
next best thing. The receiving line's lockers.

I think my favorite part was walking through the tunnel. If there was one part of the tour that we really got to experience what the players do, that was it. Tim played pre-recorded cheers to really give the vibe, followed by an announcer asking the fans to welcome "your 13-time World Champions" and the door flying up. It was so exciting walking out to an empty stadium, just knowing that's what they do every week. What an adrenaline rush that must be! I seriously cannot even fathom the amount of excitement and energy the players have in those seconds as they run through the tunnel and out onto the field.

The tunnel looking from the outside.

These stands are jam-packed game days.

At the end of the tour, we met in a meeting room with two other men from the Pro Scouting team. Each man talked about their experience working for the Packers and gave inspirational and motivational advice for the Littles. I can only hope those kids understood what an impact that was and how meaningful their talks were. They talked about following your dreams and appreciating any kind of interaction you can have. They encouraged the kids to talk to someone at school they may not usually hang out with because you never know what kind of impact it will make on you or the other person. They all said how much they loved their jobs and that they never come to work stressed and never dread going into work. I thought that was such an incredibly powerful message. Is there any greater example of showing those kids to never settle for anything less than what makes you happy? One of the guys also told us how he was part of Big Brothers Big Sisters as a child. Those kids could look at him, see that he came from possibly a similar situation to them and now he works for his favorite team in the NFL. Although he said he wasn't much of a talker, he gave the best line I could imagine. He told the kids "You've got a lot of mistakes ahead of you, but you're going to do a lot of great things." They then got some real interaction with each of the Littles by going around and asking what each of them wanted to be when they grew up.

Needless to say, my Saturday morning was well spent. I can only hope Little had as much fun as I did.

Sucky and Super Monday

It's been quite some time since writing one of these, so let's recap, shall we?

Sucky:

• My bodily ailments have been flaring up like nobody's business.
•  My allergies have been the worst I can ever remember all summer long. I've had to spend countless gorgeous days locked up inside with the air on instead of being able to enjoy the outdoors. I have never wanted to scoop my eyeballs out of their sockets or rub my nose off so bad in my life.
• My back hurts so damn bad I don't even know what to do anymore.
• My stupid leg just won't let up. I was camping Labor Day weekend, just minding my own business when Mr. Painful McAss Face Leg decided "hey let's totally interrupt her perfectly good weekend and cause her a sudden, excruciating amount of pain." In the middle of everyone, I just started bawling uncontrollably. How embarrassing.
• Recently, there has been some passive-aggressive tension among some people very close to me. It's just fucking stupid. I'm sure it will eventually blow over, but until it does, there is unnecessary drama, finger-pointing and hurt feelings.

Super:

• I got a surprise visit from Former Roomie! I had absolutely no idea he was coming in to town and was told to wait at home for a package when he just showed up at my apartment. It was the greatest surprise I could ask for and we got to hang out twice while he was home. We ate at Margarita's one night, which still manages to be our go-to restaurant. His last night in town we hung out at my and Man Friend's place watching a Packers pre-season game, drinking and watching stupid YouTube videos. It's amazing how you don't see each other for six months and you can pick up right where you left off as if a day didn't go by. 
  
• The same week, I got to see my favorite munchkin two separate days. I love the kid so much and like to think of myself as a surrogate auntie. We had so much fun playing, she and Man Friend got to meet, and I also got to catch up with her grandma, my Mom Friend. She decided she loved Man Friend right away because he let her climb all over him. 

• Little and I attended our first BBBS Match event. There was a picnic for any Green Bay matches who would like to attend. It was super cool getting to interact with other matches and see how many people were part of the program. Also, I had no idea there were so many people in their 40s, 50s and 60s who were Bigs. I was really impressed by that. After we ate (Little's idea of dinner consisted of half her scoop of pasta salad, three cookies and a handful of pickles), we chalked, played balloon toss, got her face painted and then joined in the Bigs Vs. Littles softball game. Little kept saying "The Littles are gunna kick the Bigs' butts!" To which I had to be honest and say "Yes, I'm sure that is accurate." And sure as shit, she was right.

  

  There's something so powerful and therapeutic
  about a balloon release.

• I participated in my fourth-annual Suicide Prevention Walk. I very actively fund-raised this year and raised more than any of my previous years for a total of $270 in donations. A total number hasn't been released yet, but more than $7,000 was raised just in online donations. Day-of donations and earnings from the raffle and silent auctions have not been included. Participating in the walks gives me such a sense of pride, and knowing I'm helping make a difference is so incredibly, overwhelmingly powerful. The growing success of the walk is the definition of bittersweet. It's so amazing seeing such a strong amount of awareness and support of people who truly and genuinely want to save someone's life.
  There is such a stigma attached to mental illness and suicide that it's never talked about, but that's entirely why the suicide rate is so high. With organizations like the Be the Light walk, we can help those in need and I am so proud to see the group exploding every year. But the growing number of people every year is heartbreaking. That means that more people are still taking their lives and we are still losing so many wonderful people. 
• I received some amazing news a few weeks ago. There is a possibility a wonderful change may be coming my way, but I can't post about it just quite yet. I know this is such a teaser, but I've been super amped, and feeling way more positive about myself. Hopefully more news to come soon.

Bay Beach Adventures

Hello dear readers! After two weeks of not hanging out, I took my Little to Bay Beach on Thursday. For weeks before it was open, she had been asking to go. It was finally open late enough during the week and I was just as excited as she was. 

Although I can no longer manage the Tilt O Whirl or the Scat, I do still quite enjoy the other rides. I was a bit disappointed and a little surprised to find out how few rides Little won't ride. I was hoping to convince her to go on Zippin' Pippin, the only roller coaster, but I was vehemently shot down. Numerous times. She also wouldn't go on the swings, bumper cars or the Ferris Wheel. I found out that she attempted the Ferris Wheel on her class field trip, but got so scared after two circles that she screamed until they let her off. At least that happened at school. I have no idea how I would have handled a child that terrified. Anyway, that didn't leave us with too many options. She did want to go on the Tilt O Whirl even without me, but it was closed for maintenance. So that left us with the train, the Scrambler, the Slide, the Helicopters and the Carousel. The Scrambler is actually both of our favorites, which meant we rode it three times. We also rode the Train twice, which is quite enjoyable, but not really all that exciting. It would have been much nicer if we had been walking around all day and needed a few seconds to just rest. Little was hoping to ride in the back because "you get whipped around much more that way." Round two, she got her wish: we were the only two on the ride, so we could choose the exact seats we want. I somehow managed to convince her to go on the Slide, even though she almost chickened out. We got half-way up the steps and she turned around, looked at me and said "I don't wanna do it anymore." I did NOT just walk up those steps for nothing. Not to mention, I was not going to let her give up. "Uh-uh," I responded. "Keep going." She looked like she wanted to argue but I think she could also tell I wasn't going to move out of her way. I'm fairly certain that as an only child, she isn't used to not getting her way so I'm not sure what she thinks when I don't let her. We got to the top crisis-free, threw our burlap sacks down, and went down. And what do you know, we get to the bottom and she says "That wasn't as bad as I thought." I told her I knew it wouldn't be, and we headed back towards the Scrambler for time #2.

Waiting in line for the Scrambler, there was a little boy ahead of us with some other children. The ride operator/my cousin measured him and he was too short to be on the ride. And I don't mean too short as in if he wearing different shoes he might be able to pass. I mean a solid two inches, at least, too short. Cousin/Ride Operator apologized and explained that because he wasn't tall enough, he couldn't go on, unless an adult wanted to go with him. The children looked expectantly at a lady standing behind the fence. "I am NOT going on that!" was her answer when a simple, "Not this time, guys" would have sufficed. Ride Operator/Cousin handed them their tickets back and they walked out of line. What I heard next is a textbook example of why there should be a test to reproduce. "UUUUGGGGHHH!!! HE'S GOTTEN ON BEFORE! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PROBLEM IS!!" Ride Operator/Cousin: "I'm sorry. I don't know why he wasn't measured before, but if I let him on and something happens, I could get fired." Inexplicably Crabby Mom hauled the kids off to a different ride in another dramatic huff. Um, what did I just witness? First, why the hell are you so outraged by this? Second of all, do you really think that bullying the ride operator into breaking the rules will really make this situation any better? And what does that teach your children? That they can throw a fit until they get what they want? Finally, and most importantly, shouldn't you be worried about your child's safety? If his size puts him in danger, why in the hell do you think it's ok for him to hop on the ride and have a go at it? I would have loved nothing more than to tell that woman she should be ashamed of herself, but creating a scene in front of my Little would not have exactly promoted responsibility, so I pretended to ignore the whole thing. 

Since I convinced Little to go on the Slide, she used it against me and got me to go on the Carousel. By no means am I afraid of it like she was the Slide, but going around in circles while moving up and down is just asking for me to get sick. But after she threw out the "I went on the Slide for you, so you gotta go on the Carousel for me" line, I couldn't much argue. So we got on, and chose animals right next to each other. Then, at the last minute, she got an impish grin and bolted for a ride two behind me.  Oh, fuck. I watch SVU. It's always the Carousel that a kid gets abducted on. And now I couldn't see her when she was behind me. I manage to stay calm and not show my irrational fear and panic. After what I am certain was at least an hour, the ride ended and we hopped off, kidnapper free and just a mild case of dizziness on my end. At least I dodged those bullets.

Sucky and Super Memorial Monday

Ooh, good alliteration, Mon. [Insert self back-patting here.]

Hello, dear readers! Thank you for spending some of your day with me. I don't ask too much of you readers, but I do have one request of you today. While you're enjoying the last leg of your three day weekend, please take a small break from National BBQ day to reflect on the true meaning of this holiday. Take some time to thank a vet or stop by a cemetery with some flowers.

I'll step off my little soap box now and jump onto a Sucky and Super train.

Sucky:

• I had a very unexpected melt-down Friday evening.  I was in a great mood and happened to drive past the apartment complex that one of my closest friends and her boyfriend lived in. You may remember them from zombie dates and this going away letter. Anyway, I just started bawling out of nowhere. I hadn't even been thinking about anything specifically, but damnit I miss my friends. I think it especially hit me hard because Memorial Day weekend my friends and I used to have a giant day-long party.
• I had to say "no" to my Little for the first time this week. I've realized very quickly that she is a typical only child who is used to always getting her way and I don't think she hears "no" very often. It wasn't over anything major, and I could have easily caved in, but I needed to stand my ground. While making the "no" decision, I knew if I hadn't given her that answer, she would know immediately how easily it could be to walk over me. It was difficult to do, because I don't want to be the stern rule-enforcer, but rather, the fun person she enjoys hanging out with. It is also hard to tell where my boundaries are in this non-familial relationship. I stood my ground and after a little bit of begging threw out the "the answer is no" line and she finally accepted it.
• This afternoon I will be visiting the cemetery to visit my friend, the one I got this tattoo for:
  
  Visiting the cemetery is such a bittersweet feeling. On one hand, it's a very real reminder that he is gone and after nearly 9 1/2 years since his death, I am still incredibly overwhelmed with a slough of emotions. I miss him so much and it's still so hard to grasp that I am four years older than he was when he died. However, as sad as I get, sitting out in the cemetery is the best way I have ever been able to cope. I sit at his grave remembering and talking to him. It's the most peaceful and soothing place I have been. I'm having a bad day and want some space, what do I do? Sit out there and cry to my heart's content in privacy. I need to get lost in my thoughts? I sit out there for hours contemplating life. I just want some peace and quiet? I bring a beach towel and book out and read by myself. I don't care if any of this is weird or creepy. It brings me solace.

Super:

• Although I wasn't able to throw a major bash yesterday, I was able to put together a successful cookout at Pamperin Park with plenty of snacks, drinks and grilled food. I am growing much closer to  getting to know Man Friend's friends. I think I can safely say I have started to think of them as our friends or even my friends too, and not just his friends. The weather was mostly cooperative, and it was quite fun, even though Man Friend had to run to Wal-Mart to get a little grill since all the park ones were occupied. Man Friend and I also walked around Celebrate DePere for a while and got to listen to a local band, The Shaker and the Egg. Also quite enjoyable. 
• Man Friend and I have been actively trying to lose weight and better our overall health. We both downloaded the My Fitness Pal app, which has helped tremendously. Far more than I expected it to, actually. It has been a struggle staying within my allotted 1340 daily calories, and have gone over several times, but I have hit my goal of one pound a week for these first two weeks of recording. That app is so nice to help keep track of what you're eating, not to mention a good eye-opener for the amount of things you put into your body. It also tracks the exercise you put in, which is equally as helpful. However, the most helpful thing is to have someone right by your side doing the same thing. We're able to encourage each other and since we're both trying, we aren't keeping any junk food in the house. I already feel less lethargic and it's so nice to be back on track with a healthier lifestyle.
• Despite having to say "no" to my Little, we have been having a lot of fun every week. We've been able to spend our time outside and enjoying nature. In the last two weeks, we have walked through a woodsy area on a nature walk and went to the Wildlife Sanctuary. We walked around feeding the ducks and looking through some of the exhibits. I learn new things about her every week and always enjoy our time together. 

Becoming a Big

Hello dear readers! About two months ago, I had come to the decision I wanted to become a Big Sister with Big Brothers Big Sisters. I had never really considered the idea until my cousin mentioned how much her friend loved being a Big. Why this had never occurred to me, I don't know. But it was almost like a light switch had gone off. If I was a cartoon character, a nifty little light bulb would have appeared over my head. I just felt it in my gut that this was what I needed to do. The number one thing on my bucket list has been to make a difference in someone's life, particularly a young girl. Working with adolescent or pre-adolescent girls is what I've wanted to do with my Women's Studies minor. This could be it; this could be my calling.

As many of you know, I've done quite a bit of volunteering for the Y in the last two years. I love it fundraising for the Strong Kids Campaign, and GNO has made a tremendous impact in my life. As much as I love working with the GNO girls, though, I was starting to feel like I wanted something more. I wanted to have a more one-on-one experience, or be able to directly impact someone's life. I decided that this could potentially be the perfect opportunity for me.

At the beginning of the year, I made a vow that this year I was going to stop "talking about it" and start "being about it." Becoming a Big was my first stop in the Be About It journey. I knew that if I didn't jump on this desire right away, I would put it on the back burner, never do anything about it, and feel lousy. I looked up BBBS online, gave it less than a week's thought, and called the Green Bay office. I went in for an orientation meeting, and two weeks later, I had an interview set up.

I knew the interview would be pretty intense since it was for the responsibility of taking care of a child, but holy shit. It. Was. Insane. I think it's fair to say it was the most intense interview I've ever had, far more so than any job interview I've been on. It was super intimidating, and by the end, my nerves were shot. The questions were far more difficult than I ever could have anticipated, and were pretty loaded.

After three agonizing weeks, I got a call that not only was I accepted, but they had found me a Little right away! The enrollment specialist at BBBS told me a little about her, and I couldn't have been more excited to me her. She's an only child who is adopted and has been struggling emotionally, particularly with being adopted. I personally don't have any experience with adoptions, but my parents divorced when I was in middle school. I struggled with it a lot and eventually went to counseling. I hoped with my past of questioning parents and my position in the family that I might be a good resource for her or might be at least a little relatable. I accepted the position and antsily waited another week or so to meet her.

Last week we were officially matched. The "match" is mostly paperwork. A lot of paperwork. It was actually kind of dull, but absolutely necessary. The enrollment specialist went over the organization's rules, guidelines and policies and Little, her parents and I signed a rain forest worth of documents. After we had signed our names so many times I was fairly certain I had just signed my life away, Little and I got to hang out for the first time. I took her to experience Smart Cow yogurt bar for the first time and she loved it. Naturally, as any other nine year old would, she dumped in so many sugar-coated toppings that she couldn't come close to finishing her portion.

Before meeting her, I was told my Little was a little on the shy and quiet side. I was fully prepared for her to not talk to me at all, but I was pleasantly surprised at how much she engaged in conversation. She answered all of my questions and even initiated a few of her own. I had quickly started to learn about her and she is pretty damn awesome from what I can tell so far. She doesn't like Bieber, but does love P!nk (one of my all-time favorites), hates swimming (samesies) and likes Monsters, Inc and Despicable Me. She's self-proclaimed obsessed with horses, loves bike riding and Social Studies and hates Math. I know next to nothing about horses, but I'm excited that it will give her something to teach me. All in all, we're pretty much a match made in Big Sister heaven.