Sucky and Super Monday

It's been quite some time since writing one of these, so let's recap, shall we?

Sucky:

• My bodily ailments have been flaring up like nobody's business.
•  My allergies have been the worst I can ever remember all summer long. I've had to spend countless gorgeous days locked up inside with the air on instead of being able to enjoy the outdoors. I have never wanted to scoop my eyeballs out of their sockets or rub my nose off so bad in my life.
• My back hurts so damn bad I don't even know what to do anymore.
• My stupid leg just won't let up. I was camping Labor Day weekend, just minding my own business when Mr. Painful McAss Face Leg decided "hey let's totally interrupt her perfectly good weekend and cause her a sudden, excruciating amount of pain." In the middle of everyone, I just started bawling uncontrollably. How embarrassing.
• Recently, there has been some passive-aggressive tension among some people very close to me. It's just fucking stupid. I'm sure it will eventually blow over, but until it does, there is unnecessary drama, finger-pointing and hurt feelings.

Super:

• I got a surprise visit from Former Roomie! I had absolutely no idea he was coming in to town and was told to wait at home for a package when he just showed up at my apartment. It was the greatest surprise I could ask for and we got to hang out twice while he was home. We ate at Margarita's one night, which still manages to be our go-to restaurant. His last night in town we hung out at my and Man Friend's place watching a Packers pre-season game, drinking and watching stupid YouTube videos. It's amazing how you don't see each other for six months and you can pick up right where you left off as if a day didn't go by. 
  
• The same week, I got to see my favorite munchkin two separate days. I love the kid so much and like to think of myself as a surrogate auntie. We had so much fun playing, she and Man Friend got to meet, and I also got to catch up with her grandma, my Mom Friend. She decided she loved Man Friend right away because he let her climb all over him. 

• Little and I attended our first BBBS Match event. There was a picnic for any Green Bay matches who would like to attend. It was super cool getting to interact with other matches and see how many people were part of the program. Also, I had no idea there were so many people in their 40s, 50s and 60s who were Bigs. I was really impressed by that. After we ate (Little's idea of dinner consisted of half her scoop of pasta salad, three cookies and a handful of pickles), we chalked, played balloon toss, got her face painted and then joined in the Bigs Vs. Littles softball game. Little kept saying "The Littles are gunna kick the Bigs' butts!" To which I had to be honest and say "Yes, I'm sure that is accurate." And sure as shit, she was right.

  

  There's something so powerful and therapeutic
  about a balloon release.

• I participated in my fourth-annual Suicide Prevention Walk. I very actively fund-raised this year and raised more than any of my previous years for a total of $270 in donations. A total number hasn't been released yet, but more than $7,000 was raised just in online donations. Day-of donations and earnings from the raffle and silent auctions have not been included. Participating in the walks gives me such a sense of pride, and knowing I'm helping make a difference is so incredibly, overwhelmingly powerful. The growing success of the walk is the definition of bittersweet. It's so amazing seeing such a strong amount of awareness and support of people who truly and genuinely want to save someone's life.
  There is such a stigma attached to mental illness and suicide that it's never talked about, but that's entirely why the suicide rate is so high. With organizations like the Be the Light walk, we can help those in need and I am so proud to see the group exploding every year. But the growing number of people every year is heartbreaking. That means that more people are still taking their lives and we are still losing so many wonderful people. 
• I received some amazing news a few weeks ago. There is a possibility a wonderful change may be coming my way, but I can't post about it just quite yet. I know this is such a teaser, but I've been super amped, and feeling way more positive about myself. Hopefully more news to come soon.

Be the Light Community Walk for Suicide Prevention

On Saturday I participated in Brown County's First annual Be the Light Walk for Suicide Prevention. Previously, the walk was under the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, but this year the organizers decided to break away from the nationally recognized chapter to focus their efforts locally. With AFSP, half the proceeds were donated at a local level and half national. With the change to Be the Light, 100% of profits were donated locally.

This was my third year participating in a walk for this cause, through the same group of walkers and organizers. Every year we see a bigger turn out, raise more money, and see more raffle donations. This year, the walk has raised a total of $14,893! Especially with the money going towards QPR (Question, Persuade, Refer) training programs, school programs and prevention in Brown County, this is an incredible feat and an amazing number.

Our balloon release

Knowing I'm part of such a needed and important organization is really overwhelming, but in a good way. I'm so proud to be working for an organization and towards a cause that doesn't get much coverage. Suicide just doesn't get talked about much, and prevention and awareness programs get even less acknowledgement.  I've come to the realization today that whenever I get down on myself about feeling like I'm not doing anything towards my future or with my life, I need to remember my involvement with Be the Light. Raising $240 and participating in the walk is nothing to scoff at.

As wonderful as it is gaining more support every year, seeing the walk participant rate grow and the donations number rise, it's heartbreaking. Absolutely heartbreaking. Every person there knows someone who completed suicide. Everyone there has lost someone and everyone there has had to find their way to grieve. I'm glad the loved ones of the lost have put together this walk and organization, though, because it seems to be so therapeutic for everyone, the parents in particular. Hearing the stories of parents, children, siblings and friends brings in such a sense of community.

Every year that I see so many people gathering for support and in hopes of prevention of losing anyone else, it makes me wonder about those who have passed. If they could see how many people come out every year to remember them, honor them and grieve for them, would they have still felt so hopeless?