Since there have been so many highs and lows in the last two months, I thought I'd bring you all up to speed. You're WELCOME, social media creepers. I'll start with the good news first, since I'd like to think my life isn't entirely a mess.
At the end of February, I joined Mary Kay, Inc. as an Independent Beauty Consultant. At the time of joining I was really excited and felt totally great about my decision. I had no idea, however, just how much of an impact it was going to make in my life. It is such a fantastic organization to be a part of and I could not be any happier that I joined. It's definitely been one of the better decisions I've made. So, plus 1 for Mon. I was nervous at first, but is anyone really surprised by this? I over-analyze EVERYTHING. I worry about EVERYTHING. And I don't take risks. At all. I wrote all about this unfortunate flaw of mine here for your recollection. What if I didn't sell enough to make it worth it? What if I couldn't get customers? What if I royally sucked? I was worried about investing money into setting up a business for myself. I don't really like to spend money on myself as it is, let alone in large quantities. To put it into perspective, buying a complete outfit for myself is a little terrifying. But fortunately for me and my business, Man Friend was a wonderful support system for me. He convinced me to order the start-up inventory and thank goodness he did. It's amazing being able to have at least some of my product for people right away, both for the client's sake and for my sanity. Man Friend looked at me and said I just spent the same amount of money on a computer, something I will get nothing back out of. You can spend this money on start-up inventory and then make a profit off it. That's all it took to put it into perspective for me.
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| The greatest thing to ever come to me by mail |
Joining the Mary Kay community was not only a great decision for me to have control over my own business, but also for everything it has done for me on a personal level. For starters, it gives me extra money. Extra moo-lah is always a good thing, but it my current situation, it is a necessity. (More on that later). Before joining, I had contemplated getting a part time job, but it just didn't make sense with my hectic schedule. Not too many places are ok with such limited availability. Not to mention, the last time I had two places of employment, I burned myself out. But with Mary Kay, it is so much different. I have team meetings on Mondays, but scheduling appointments is entirely up to me. I work around my schedule and offer times for consultations when I'm free. I don't have to worry about asking off for busy weekends or nights with plans, as I would have to working a second job in retail or something of the sort. Never in my life have I ever had a job where I was encouraged and complimented so much in my life. My director is always telling me I look great or that she loves the outfit I'm wearing. I've never had a position in which I had so much encouragement. My director and team mates are constant cheerleaders for everyone. I am congratulated every time I meet my goals. I'm encouraged that I can make my goals and encouraged that I can do anything that I set out to. It's amazing what something so simple as "I'm so proud of you" can do. My cheerleaders are a great source of positivity, but what's really done wonders has been just seeing what I can do. I have zero problem talking in front of people, but I surprised myself at how quickly I learned my demo routine and how comfortable I got giving it. In just under two months on my own, I am using my note cards less and less and I can tell what a huge difference there's been since my first party. I am so much more confident, which is something I never thought I'd see in myself. My self esteem is slowly creeping up and it's the most amazing feeling ever.
I wish I could say that's the only reason I haven't been here much lately: that I am so busy with my success with Mary Kay that I don't have the time. But to stay true to myself and to reality, I have to share the bad with the good.
As I've written before, I am very close to losing my "full time" job. The stress on this has been so horrendous on me that it has over taken my life. I sleep like shit, have nightmares frequently, have gained even more weight and have breakouts all over my body like no one's business. I'm crabby all the fucking time, I'm miserable, and snap at people doing nothing but good for me. I can't even remember the last time that I went one week without a sobbing fit. I am terrified of unemployment. Despite the fact that I have joined Mary Kay, I am not yet to the place in my business that I can consider it a full time job. I need it to supplement the money that I am making outside it. I am fairly certain I will be eligible for unemployment, but that just won't cut it. I am terrified about being able to pay all my bills. I know everything always works out somehow, but the waiting until that happens may just be the end of me.
It's a good thing that Mary Kay brings me up so much, because job searching has brought me down to an ultimate low. It is the most defeating, soul-crushing experience I have ever had. I have applied to 219 jobs since October of 2011 and am just not getting anything but rejections. Or worse, not even a rejection but not hearing back at all. That happens far more than I ever thought. I've gotten professional resume help on more than one occasion, I scour LinkedIn like it's going out of style and have gotten referrals from employees at the companies I've applied to. Nothing helps. I either have too much or not enough experience, even when my experience matches the posting. Never before in my life have I felt like I wasn't good enough for something. Never before have I felt so kicked-when-I'm-down. Everyone keeps telling me that the perfect job will happen and I just need to wait for it. That it will come to me, rather than me looking for it. I wholeheartedly agree with this. However, I can't exactly rely on fate when I'm about to be flat-on-my-ass broke.
Besides the daily stress of the job search, the last two weeks have been nearly unbearable. The brother of a very close friend passed away recently. It was unexpected and absolutely devastating to everyone around him, but obviously inexplicably so for his immediate family. He had been so young, had so much to live for and was just...gone. While it is always tragic for someone so young to pass, this had to be one of the hardest I've dealt with. I've known this man most of my life, as his brother and I have been friends since the fifth grade. The brothers and their sister were inseparable and it was gut-wrenching watching them grieve. I do have to say, though, that despite the funeral being so incredibly difficult, it was the most personal funeral I had ever been to. The family truly gave remembrance to their son and brother by making it reflect his life. We all wore Harley apparel and music like Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd was played. It was a great way to remember him the way he would have wanted.
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| My tribute |
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