Conversation Hearts

The only way my daily conversations could get any better would be if they actually were printed on heart-shaped pieces of sugar. Here are some little nuggets of life with Mon recently:

Former Roomie: On the bright side he [new roomie] is terrified of me.
Me: niiice.
Former Roomie: Seriously. Yesterday, I was like "I want you to leave." He's like "Why?" I'm like "BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL WELL AND I WANT YOU TO LEAVE!" And he did.
Me: Omg what? Your former roomie would not have reacted the same way.
Former Roomie: lol. True, but my former roomie also didn't annoy the living shit out of me with her gleaming positivity


Friend who recently moved across the country: This is embarrassing but I just saw Leinie's Summer Shandy at Target and almost started bawling because I miss you. Oay. Truth. I cried.
Me: Confession: I cried driving past your old apartment last weekend. And just now.
Friend: Christ we're a mess!
Me: I was just thinking the same thing! But that better be the last time Summer Shandy makes you cry.
Friend: lol deal!
Me: Go figure we still have solid conversations over beer on opposite sides of the country.
Friend: Well I mean we honestly cant be expected to change our ways merely because we're "adults" now.


Coworker (to me):  Instead of you having your own kids, you'll be the one to buy my kids their first drink! As any good auntie should.


Me: Does he ever stop complaining?
Friend: Chip? (a code name for someone we can't stand)
Me: Nailed it.
Friend: Maybe he's never getting nailed and that's why he's always complaining!


Former Roomie's Facebook status: An entire jar of peanut butter for lunch is healthy, right?
Me: SIICK
Former Roomie: DELICIOUS
Friend (from conversation 2): I just heard Monica groan across the country


Little: One time, when I was swimming in the lake with my cousin, I had had to pee. So I climbed on her back and peed on her!
Me: OH MY GOD I AM NEVER SWIMMING WITH YOU EVER!


Me: My Little told me that I'm going to die lonely and alone because I don't want kids!
Coworker (who also does not want kids): But...you'll be happy! And hopefully not poor from  kids sucking you dry.


Cousin: Why is it that I can squish a spider or mosquito with my bare hands, but the second an ear wig comes near me my stomach churns?
Me: Because those motherfuckers are way more disgusting.
Cousin: Fuck yeah.

And this picture I found on Pinterest, which I just couldn't resist sharing: