I started New Years of 2012 and 2013 both by thinking this year has GOT to be better than last. And neither one really was. In fact, 2013 was pretty miserable. Now that's not to say that there weren't moments that I enjoyed last year. I had some pretty great times, but unfortunately, there were a lot more things that sucked. But life is always a fighting battle. Without tough times, you never really appreciate the good. I know that's really easy to say, but I'm working on believing my own words. Maybe this will be the year I start practicing what I preach. Maybe.
Anyway, a recap of 2013:
Sucky:
- January.
- Yup, all of it. After overcoming the worst flu/sickness I've had since having mono my freshman year of college, Roomie accepted a job offer in Boston. Which meant moving. Do you remember how much I hate moving? I'll give you a hint: it's a lot. Regardless, moving brought out a lot more struggles than I had ever anticipated. We had about a week and a half to get everything packed and get out of the house. It was pretty short notice for both of us but it also meant I had to find a place to live and very quickly. You never realize how much work packing a house is until you have a very small deadline to do so. Then my grandma's man friend passed away. He had been very ill and as hard as it is to say so, it started becoming expected. But that did not change the gravity of the situation. Grandma's man friend, or her Special Friend, as she called him, had been a part of our family since I was in 8th grade-ish. It was a real struggle watching him suffer for so long and really hard losing him. It was even harder knowing my grandma had lost him. She lost my grandpa to cancer at a young age and here she had to say goodbye to another partner all over again.
- An old friend's passing
- The friend and I had lost touch in recent years, but his death strongly affected me. We grew apart mostly after my ex and I broke up. Without the ex in the picture, we didn't really hang out much. We would chat sometimes when we ran into each other at parties or bars, but the friendship just wasn't the same because we only knew each other because of the ex. However, when I was with my ex, we spent a lot of time together. We hung out often when I was home from college at house parties or going for motorcycle rides. The friend passed away in such a heartbreaking and honorable way that I still have a hard time accepting it. He had completed at least two (maybe three?) tours overseas and was finally home, or at least for the time. He and a friend were driving and stopped to help a vehicle on the side of the highway. While helping the strangers, he got hit by another vehicle. After fighting in ICU, he passed about a week later. His death was so sad; his family and friends devastated by the loss of someone they loved. He was so young and always so full of fun and laughter. Losing someone at any age is always hard, but when someone in their 20s with so much life ahead of them passes it's heartbreaking.
(Ok, the worst of the worst of the year is done. Everything else seems petty in comparison to two deaths, but I can't discount the rest)
- My closest friends moving away.
- From February to May, my closest friends scattered across the country. Roomie to Boston, The Walking Dead couple Dallas and Florence, SC and another to Madison, WI. I grew up with two of them and the other two joined in college and high school, respectively. I've been friends with them the majority of our lives and aside from going off to college, we've been inseparable. Even when we were scattered across Wisconsin for school, we never lost touch and got together as often as we could. I am certain that is why we are even closer now than we ever were as kids or teens. Saying goodbye to them all was a huge struggle for me. I felt so lonely without them. I cried. A lot. Then I cried because I missed the nuggets, which I never ever in my life expected. When I finally thought I could handle it, something little would trigger emotions all over again and without warning, I was Niagra Falls. Take for instance, passing The Walking Dead Couple's apartment one night. I wasn't even thinking about missing them, but without skipping a beat, in the middle of my sentence, I started bawling for at least 15 minutes. When the friends were all home in October and had to leave all at once instead of spread apart, it was unexpectedly a lot worse.
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| Our last night together before the moves started |
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| Reunited...and it feels so good! |
- Ending a friendship
- One of Man Friend's close friends turned into a completely different person after breaking up with his girlfriend. Since it's not my fight or loss of friendship, it's not really my place to go into detail. But to make an incredibly long story short, the ex friend decided that he was no longer going to be friends with any of the people in the whole crowd because of something super petty. He made some really douchebag moves and it's entirely on his shoulders that he lost some of his closest friends. For a while it was kind of a touchy subject and I know a lot of people were really hurt by his actions. But now it's just comical and life has moved on smoothly enough without him.
- The outsourced meeting
- At 9:15 a.m. on Thursday, December 12, 2013 my department found out that it will be outsourced. As of April, 2014, Consumer Services Department will be operating out of Peoria, IL. We had known that this was a possibility for a few months, but the finality of the decision was awful. I panicked. What the hell would I do? I don't think it's been any secret that it is far from my dream job and being a temp without job security has eaten away at me every day for more than two and a half years. But as long as I have this temp job while searching for something permanent, I at least have a paycheck coming in. But now even that could be taken away from me. I had a million and ten emotions and thoughts whirling through my head. If I had to go on unemployment, how would I survive? How would I manage? I've been actively job searching since August of 2011 and if I haven't found anything in that time, how was I going to find something in only 4 months? I thought I was going to throw up. I cried. A lot. In front of all my coworkers and managers. Pretty embarrassing. I was a fucking wreck. A week after The Meeting, I had the best pep talk from my dad that I had ever gotten from anyone, but especially from him. I'm still struggling a lot and still worry every day more than what my body can handle, but it's a tiny bit easier with my dad's voice in my ear to push me through.
Frankly, I don't know how I don't have ulcers after this year. Seriously.
But I have had some good moments, which absolutely cannot go without mentioning:
Super:
- Moving in with Man Friend
- Moving in to our own place has been the best thing we could have done for our relationship. Instead of having to schedule our time together, we get to see each other every single day. We get to cook for each other and eat meals together at the kitchen table. We go grocery shopping together sometimes (although that has halted because we drive each other crazy in the store). When we want to tell each other something, we don't have to call, text or hope to remember it when the other comes over. We can walk into the next room. Or turn around from our desk. We can sleep next to each other every night instead of most weekends. It's a major sense of comfort being able to fall asleep next to the one you love the most every single night. I didn't realize how much I needed it until I had it. He is the last thing I hear every night and the first thing I hear in the morning. By no means was moving in together a seamless transition. We fought. We argued over dumb things.We had to learn how to communicate with each other in a new way. We had to make compromises. I sulked. I slammed doors. I got pissed off and expected him to know exactly why I was mad and how to handle it exactly the way I wanted him to. But I wouldn't want to learn how to live with anyone else. Adjusting to each other and the arguments that arise can never compare to being able to spend a night watching tv together, not worrying about making it home by a certain time to go to bed on a week night or having a romantic meal and movie for date night in.
- Becoming a Big
- Becoming a Big was easily one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. Probably top five. My Little has already taught me so much and I can only hope she feels the same about me. We have so much fun together and I genuinely enjoy hanging out with her, despite the fact that she's "just" a child. I look forward to our meetings every week. I can only hope that my mentorship is making a positive impact on her life. I can tell a huge difference in our relationship since we were first matched around May. I could not have asked for a more perfect match. Well, aside from her being the pickiest eater I have ever encountered in my life. But we have so much fun together making crafts, making and decorating treats and going out on outings to experience the community. And we make pretty awesome things like these reindeer treats:
