In the past few weeks leading up to Roomie's 25th birthday (which is today, so happy birthday!), there's been a lot of discussion in our household about that number. You know, that 25 number. It seems to be holding quite a bit of weight.
In the 13 years that I've been friends with Roomie, I haven't ever seen him so distressed about anything, especially about a birthday. And it's got me thinking. And worrying. I've got a year yet before I hit that number, but there's just something about that digit that is just so unsettling.
Nearly everyone I've talked to has said that turning 25 was their hardest birthday ever. My ex's mom said that turning 25 was harder than 30, 40 or even 50. A former coworker said she didn't even stay out past 8:00 on the night of her birthday because she went home crying.
Just what about that number seems to be so hard for everyone to handle? Well, after quite a bit of contemplation, I think I may have some answers.
1) 25 feels old. Even though, it's still relatively young; not even "late 20s" yet. But for some reason, it has always felt like so much more of a grown up, and so far off. Even when I graduated college at 21, 25 seemed so far away. Dating someone who was 25 almost seemed too old for me, even though if I was single now, a 4 year difference of 27 doesn't seem like a big deal at all. 25 is also so close to 30, and let me tell you, I'm in total denial that number will ever come into my existence. Oh yeah, there's also the realization that you're a quarter of a century. Holy shit, a quarter of a century feels waaay older than just saying 25.
2) Because 25 feels like such a grown up, it gives people a solid point of reference. When people hit that age, I feel they expect themselves to have hit certain milestones in their lives. We put such pressure on ourselves to be so successful by certain points in our lives. We feel like we've failed ourselves if we haven't hit these timely goals. At that, my friends, is where the anxiety comes in.
Former Coworker said she wanted to be married with kids by 25. Instead, she was single in a tiny one bedroom apartment by herself. She was so unhappy that she hadn't hit this fictitious goal soon enough, that she couldn't even enjoy what she did have going for herself.
My fears about turning 25 aren't as much about not hitting goals for my personal life as I am with my professional life. I know that I still have a year to go, but I never thought I'd be where I am at even 24. At that's not as positive as it sounds. When I was in college, I never imagined that two years after graduating, I wouldn't be working in my field. I never imagined I'd be a temp ever, let alone after 15 months. I never imagined myself working in a call center. I knew that in my field I wouldn't make loads of money, but I had figured I'd be making more than what I'm making now. I never thought I would work so hard for that degree to feel like it's going to waste.
I already can feel exactly how turning 25 will pan out for me. If I find a job that I'm truly very happy in, and/or a job using my degree, if I'm in a permanent position with benefits and if I feel remotely successful with where my life is going, I'm sure that 25 won't be such a hard-hitting blow. It may be hard to accept that I fully need to be a grown up, or holy shit I'm mid-20s now, but I don't think it will cause me loads of anxiety. HOWEVER, I'm not confident that will happen. I sure as shit hope I have a permanent job by then, but chances of it being something using my education and background are slim. If I'm still in some customer service job, or even worse, a job that causes me as much anxiety and distress as my current one, I'll frickin lose it. But until then, I just need to focus on the accomplishments I have made and try to stay as positive as possible.
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